Grumpy Old Christmas

So - 'tis the season to be jolly is it? Well, not in the household of the Grumpy Old Man it isn't. Everything about Christmas gets up our snitches. From the breakfast telly presenters who tell us it's now just 120 shopping days to go, to the annual festive strike by airport baggage handlers. From office parties where drunken juniors have waited the whole year to tell you what 'the trouble with you is...', to parents videoing their precocious brats at the atrocious school nativity play where your kid is playing the part of the donkey's rear end. From the woman next door who drops in to show your wife the diamond ring her prat of a husband has bought her, to the 150th opportunity to see 'Whistle Down the Wind' on the telly. And speaking of wind, there's the festive Xmas turkey that tastes like blotting paper soaked in a puddle and sends your digestive system to hell.